The last couple of weeks have been very difficult when attempting to deal with a family member who now has memory issues and the inability to completely care for themselves!! Those who have the disease have an uncanny way of covering up their deficiencies even though they don’t fully understand there are issues. Most folks know there is something not quite right with themselves but others do not see it at all. Many are in denial. Many become paranoid. Many get angry and rebel against the interference from others. Many have a changed personality. Many say things they would never have said before the disease began. Many forget immediately what was said to them, especially if it is contradictory to what they want to happen. Many become especially self centered and see little outside of themselves. As the disease progresses repetitive habits old and new develop. In our case the family member involved makes many notes daily on a spreadsheet and prints out pages and pages of notes. Every email is printed. Every day more than one copy is made of information that needs not to be forgotten. Every day calls are made to different family members and sometimes as many as 4-8 calls a day as a new thought, a new fear, and new worry about the near and far future pops into their head. I have seen dementia and cognitive impairment occur in so many families. I thought I would know what to do and how it would feel if I had to deal with it. No one ever knows until it happens and the stress and discomfort to all involved. How do we manage to allow autonomy as long as possible?? How do we tell our parent that we have to take the keys away and they can no longer drive. I have given these orders to the cognitively impaired and their families over the last 11 years. Now it is our turn in my family. What a struggle it can be to have to daily say no to the one who brought you into the world, raised you, fed you, and got you to adulthood. To see the anger and the frustration on their face. To see the face become resigned because they have no control. To hear them say “do I have a choice?” I want them to have a choice again. I want them to live normally until they fall asleep one night when they are very old and not wake up. I want their last years to be peaceful. But we don’t always get what we want.